There is a version of me that the internet knows and it's built entirely from search queries, late-night rabbit holes, and increasingly specific questions that made complete sense in context and would make absolutely no sense to anyone else. 

Weird stuff, you know?

If my search history were ever subpoenaed, I would very likely need a very expensive lawyer.

The explanation "I write romance novels" doesn't always help.

Here, in the spirit of transparency and solidarity with every writer who has typed something unhinged into a search bar at 11 pm, is a partial record of things I have genuinely needed to know.

The ones that started innocently enough

"How long might it take to drive full speed across Amsterdam at night in a sports car?" Fine. Normal. Paranormal romance research.

"What kind of jobs exist for medical staff on cruise ships?" Still fine. Harlequin medical romance research.

"Do wolves mate for life?" Absolutely fine and also the answer is complicated and fascinating and I lost two hours.

"How many mermaids have been spotted in real life?" Fine. Kind of.

"Where might mermaids go to breed" ...still fine. I guess.

"What does it feel like to be lit on fire?"  We're getting somewhere now.

The ones where things escalated

"Can grief make you more attractive?" (Asking for a brooding hero. The internet was surprisingly helpful.)

"How do people stand in doorways menacingly?" (I needed to choreograph this. It's harder than it sounds.)

"What does heartbreak feel like physically, be specific, can it really kill you slowly?" (I already knew. I wanted to make sure I was describing it right.)

"Is it normal to be more emotionally invested in fictional people than real ones?"  No one seems to know, honestly.

And before I could deepen my search, my dog Ziggy stepped on the keyboard, and closed the tab.

Honestly, probably for the best.

A note to anyone who works in tech and monitors search patterns for a living:

I am a romance novelist. I live in the Netherlands. I have a cockapoo. I am not a threat to anyone except fictional characters and my own sleep schedule.

Please use this information accordingly.

Writers — what's the search query you're most proud of? Drop it in the comments. This is a safe space. And if you're wondering where the wolf research went, check out the Amsterdamged Series, set in Amsterdam!