People sometimes assume romance writers have all the answers when it comes to love. Like, somewhere between chapter twelve's dramatic misunderstanding and the happily-ever-after, we're handed a secret handbook explaining relationships. I wish that were true, I really do... But the truth is, writing love stories hasn't made me an expert. Really it's just made me more curious about what makes people choose each other, lose each other, and somehow find their way back again.
After writing countless romances, here are the five biggest lessons I've learned.
1. Nobody falls in love with perfection.
Perfect people are boring. The characters readers remember are all gloriously flawed... the woman who overthinks everything, the man who can't express his feelings without accidentally saying the wrong thing, you know what I mean. Real love happens when someone sees all those imperfections and decides to like you anyway: "Yes, this one. I'll keep this one."
2. Grand gestures are lovely, but tiny moments win every time.
A surprise trip to Paris is undeniably romantic. But so is making someone a cup of tea exactly how they like it when they've had a crappy day, or running a bath and lighting a candle, and then presenting your Kindle, fully charged. Romance novels may well have all the feels, and fireworks, and dramatic declarations of love during airport reunions, but the scenes that stay with me are often the ones where the characters notice the small things, and go out of their way to show their love more quietly.
3. Laughter is outrageously underrated.
If two people can laugh together... even in the middle of life's chaos, they're already halfway there. I've written kisses that readers swoon over, but I've always believed the best couples are the ones who make each other snort with laughter at entirely inappropriate moments. Romance is great and everything, but erupting into spontaneous giggles is even better. That's happiness.
4. Happy endings don't arrive by magic.
Every romance novel has obstacles, because without them there wouldn't be much story. Real relationships are no different. They require patience, forgiveness, awkward conversations and occasionally admitting, through gritted teeth, that perhaps you weren't entirely right.
5. Love is a choice you keep making.
The biggest lesson of all? Love isn't one spectacular moment. It isn't just the first kiss or the butterflies or the cinematic soundtrack playing in your imagination. It's choosing someone on ordinary Tuesdays. It's showing up when life gets messy. It's deciding that your story is worth another chapter, even when the plot takes an unexpected turn.
Writing romance has filled my life with fictional heroes, unforgettable heroines and enough happy endings to make my bookshelves blush. But it's also reminded me that the very best love stories aren't perfect. Far from it, friends! They're honest, funny, resilient and wonderfully human.
And if all else fails? Never underestimate the healing power of a sincere apology... or a really good cup of tea.